Thursday Ramble: LGBTQ+ Pride Month

I need to start by saying something I don't think I have ever said, I apologize to my ex-wife. (Yes, I was married to a woman for a few years) She tried, we tried, to make it work, to change my rainbow stripes, but all we did was make the two of us miserable. Deep in my heart I knew marrying her was wrong, that it was not what felt right for me, it was what society, and family expected.  Maybe there was some vague hope that it would change me.  It didn't - just as being exposed to LGBTQ+ people won't change a straight man into a gay man. I have spent 64 years being exposed to (indoctrinated by - groomed by) straight people and it has not changed me. 

Growing up I knew I was different, that I found men attractive in ways that I didn't women.  There were no examples of happy or successful people who felt attraction the way I did. I felt fear, shame, and loneliness.  Looking back I don't know how I survived. Not all young people do. There were no books in the library, no role models in teachers, no out family or friends.  The protrails in the media of LGB (T really did exist in the media ) people in the 60's and 70's portrayed outcasts, unhappy, tragic at best.    

I spent a chunk my young adult life hiding, trying to be someone that I was not.  I lost and then regained a 100 pounds. I drank way to much for a couple of years. If you make your body unattractive you don't have to worry about anyone being attracted to you.  

I peeked through the closet door at an LGBTQ+ student group at Rollins College.  I realized I was not alone. I realized that I had to accept and love myself, for anyone else to accept and love me. Within a couple of years, I met the love of my life, I found my happiness.   

Today there is a minority movement trying to slam the closet door closed.  To force positive role models behind closed doors. To deny information and understanding at the most critical time in a person's life.  Denial won't change who we are, and how we feel.  It only builds self hatred, and people who hate themselves, are lousy miserable cruel people to be around.  Again, Mary Helen, I am sorry, I was that self hating, lousy, miserable person, and you deserved better - and I am glad you found him - I did too once I accepted and started to love myself.  

Be a role model, 

Allow others to be a role model, 

Encourage others to accept themselves, to love themselves, 

Let every color of the rainbow of humankind, shine through.