I still have anxiety over walking away from the money, but not from the stress and pressure of the job. I was surprised by my level of emotion when I drafted my official notice to retire from the job. I have been drafting messages to various people who need to know. I have replied to a couple of emails with X-days, then it is not my problem.
The job has been good to me. It opened the door to work with some of the best and the brightest in the field. At times I have been in the shadow of giants, at times I have cast a giant shadow. It paid fairly well. It has allowed some great adventures. I have read sentences that I wrote, copied and pasted into federal legislation, the highest form of compliment, I don't want credit, I want to improve the system without being noticed. In many ways this was my dream job. But that dream does not include having someone find me decomposing at my desk. I have done what I can, it is time for new voices and new ideas, it is time for me to pursue other interests.
Starting the short term countdown, seems to have freed me from many of the worries. There are a couple of hurdles left to cross. About 40 years ago, a boss told me, "if this was an easy job, we could hire anyone to do it, it isn't, that is why we hired you." I have done my best to rise to meet the challenge, and I will continue to do so. I promise not to kick the hard choices down the calendar for someone else to be forced to deal with.
There are a few more bureaucratic mazes to navigate. It will take time, but it will all work out. I am glad we have flexibility to not be living paycheck to paycheck.
Plans for the next chapter are starting to come together. A little travel, more connection with my community, time to see places I live in the shadow of, that I pass by often, and have not seen.
I have also realized how many hours I need to take off before I take off, or forfeit paid time off that I have earned. Oh my, not a lot of work left to do.
I'd be focused on the hours I need to take off before I take off. THAT sounds like fun.
ReplyDeleteA bit of work in the next couple of weeks, then it quiets down.
DeleteWouldn't taking the time off be financially sensible? I am assuming it is paid leave.
ReplyDeletePaid time off is in two categories, one I will get paid for when I leave, one I won't. I hope to use up most of the second category.
DeleteYou are like Dorothy skipping along the yellow brick road to The Emerald City of Retirement.
ReplyDeleteAnd who is that man behind the curtain
DeleteThis ... "At times I have been in the shadow of giants, at times I have cast a giant shadow" ... is a great line and a fabulous way to think about your work.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I was happy with that line.
Delete❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
ReplyDeleteAlways
DeleteYou are about to enter an exciting new chapter in your life. Retirement will allow you time to do the things that you don't have time for now.
ReplyDeleteImagine waking up on a Monday and being able to go back to sleep.
DeleteExciting! Retirement is getting so close! You have a good attitude towards it.
ReplyDeleteThe number of days is starting to freak me out.
DeleteI bet you are getting excited about your future prospects. It sounds like you have lots of adventures on the horizon.
ReplyDeleteI am starting to think, gee that would be fun, I can go do that.
DeleteI admire your accomplishment - you have found meaningful work that has not only fed your body,but your soul as well. That is difficult to walk away from, yet you have the foresight and understanding to know that the season has passed and it is time to move on. Be well and enjoy the forthcoming adventures. I am probably about 6 months behind you, although the road is less accomplished. Every day that I get through without writing an email that starts "As any fool can plainly see..." is a victory.
ReplyDelete"[D]ecomposing at my desk" is a marvelous, yet frightening, image, and a state I must try harder to avoid! Congratulations on your decision, and your steps, in that direction.
ReplyDelete