Funny Friday: A Shitstorm In My Home Town 77

To my knowledge no one ever claimed credit, for expressing their dissatisfaction at the silly little farming town that I grew up a couple of miles outside of in a very memorable way.  It was never clear what their complaint was about. But there was plenty of shit to complain about. It happened in early spring, just before my family returned from wintering in Florida (I have an alibi.)  During an early spring thaw, when the cow barns were being cleared of the winters accumulation that was thawing enough to be shoveled into spreaders and broadcast onto the fields.  

To put it politely it is a season of not so fresh country air, when most of the township smells like the inside of a cow barn, with a couple of feet of festering manure stacked up.  

Someone, to my knowledge still unknown, drove a manure spreader down main street, in the middle of the night, and pressed the go button on the power take off.  Shit was flung far and wide. The street, parked cars, store fronts, street signs, and street lights were splattered high and low with the brown odiferous mess. Apparently the person expressing their opinion liked the Ford Dealer, they turned off the spreader for half a block at they passed by Fitch's. 

It took a few days, of washing high and low, calling out the volunteer firefighters to try to decontaminate the main street.  The street lights proved especially difficult, enough water to wash off was was flung onto the underside, tended to break the glass covers.  

There was speculation, a few people were interviewed by the town pedophile cop (he was convicted a few years later,) but not surprisingly for a one horse town, there were no witnesses and no confession. People I knew, knew who, but no one would tell. A lone driver - probably on a Green John Deere seemingly got away with it.  

While the official reaction had to be outrage and indignation, the reputation of the village had been sullied.  Behind closed doors laughter rang out, at least for those who lived a block or two off of main street. I still giggle when I think about it. 

It would never happen today.  Well getting away with it would never happen today. Too many video camera, to many people who would do it and post video of themselves doing it online, then be surprised when the evidence they posted was used against them. 

How did I express my feelings about the place? A few months after I finished high school I quietly moved 1,200 miles away.