Tuesday, March 10, 2015

My Ex

This was making the rounds on Facebook, and I was not surprised by the words many people used to describe their Ex, gross, insane, devil, tyrant, stupid, and catastrophe among others. 

My one word was "happy."  

I took a stab at marrying a women once.  It was not a good experience for either of us.  We tried for a couple of years to make one another happy, then spent several years occupying parallel space, neither of us having the guts to say this does not work.  And it didn't work.  In the end it was jealousy that ended it, she had a boyfriend and I didn't.  I knew she was seeking happiness elsewhere, because she was not happy with the relationship and I called it quits. At first she was upset, but under it I could see the sense of relief.  I kept assuring her that we both deserved happiness, and we were not finding it together.  She feared change and the loss of security, but she really needed happiness.  
I occasionally see her postings on Facebook.  She appears to be happy.  She is still living with man she was seeing at the end of the marriage.  Good for her, maybe she finally found a companion in life that makes her happy every day.  I did. 

I waited several years after the divorce to come-out to her.  I didn't want her to think that was the reason I called it quits.  I called it quits because neither of us was happy and that was an unhealthy relationship for both of us.  

Breaking up is hard to do, even if you know it is the right thing to do for all involved.. I am still capable of being angry at things that happened, or didn't happen.  I was surprised several years after the split when I walked past the National Archives here in DC and became angry, I was angry at her for not being interested in in going in to see the documents that are the foundation of our country, she wanted to go back the hotel and watch TV. Odd, what hidden triggers lie beneath the surface of our brains.  Looking at it through the lens of happiness, she was not happy with my sightseeing style and I was not happy with hers, we were really not happy with one another. We all deserve happiness. 
I hope she finds the same kind of happiness that I have in life.  


  1. my ex - controlling.
    ex lives in OR, remarried 3 months after our divorce, has 6 kids. UGH!

  2. David,
    Thank you for sharing your story. I almost went down that road of marriage. Fortunately for me I could get a job (after high school) and joined the Army where I met other fellow gays. Vivian (her name) was waiting for me but it was too late. I've never seen her since but I ran into her brother about ten years ago. He told me she had EIGHT kids. Oh no, that would not have been the life I wanted. So I will die, going to my final resting place, never having KNOWN a woman. And this is just as well because Vivian was (and probably still is) a very nice woman. Someday I hope to see her again before I check out. Just out curiosity.

  3. I was so close to marriage. SOOOO glad it didn't work out. A kid caused the breakup - not ours, mostly mine, a foster child whom she couldn't have appropriate boundaries with. I couldn't have married someone who couldn't separate herself from a child. I never laid eyes on her again after we moved apart after a stormy year locked in a lease together. God works in mysterious ways.

    Since then, I've not ever had a real long term relationship, and it would seem that is how I will go: forever single.

    Peace <3

    1. Jay,
      God does work in mysterious ways. Thank goodness you didn't get married to her. As for being single, you're young yet, plenty of time for that Perfect Match.

  4. that is a lovely entry; thank you for sharing.