Sunday, May 10, 2015
Why I am happy and making jokes at this time
I am not in pain going into this. While I was in the hospital they asked several times a day about pain, when you are in the spinal unit that is a normal question, and I kept having to explain, I have mobility, sensation and balance issues, but very little pain. Being that things are stable going into surgery, there is not existing pain to stack the post surgical pain on I should have it easier then I would otherwise. That is my theory and I will hide behind it to convince myself that I will have an easier then average recovery. It can be easier if I think it is easier.
The initial list of possibilities included MS and a cancer that had metastasized to the bones. Both have been ruled out. If it is a cancer, it is a rare bird that only lives on the spine and does not spread, and the tumor doc said he can deal with those pretty effectively the once a year or so he finds one. If it was MS, it would be an advanced stage with limited treatment options. It does not appear to be.
Another early possibility was a serious diabetic neuropothy. My blood sugar tested normal. When I asked about A1C results a couple of days in, the hospitalist said we didn't bother because you readings were normal, but just to be safe, three minutes later the vampire was back for more blood. It was very normal. I still need to lose 50 pounds to reduce the risk factors, but I am doing okay at this point. That makes healing from other things easier.
They scanned me literally from the top pf my head to my knees. And the only thing that kept showing up was the tumor on my spine. Not a good thing to find, but it could have been much more dire.
I have good health insurance, and good short term disability insurance. I am fortunate to not need to worry about go broke while trying to get well. I have Jay here to be my good helper. I need to remind myself to be kind to him, he just wants to keep me happy, and I tend to snap when he does not read my mind or move faster then my thoughts.
Nothing terminal was found. The worst case scenario, is that I could lose control of my legs and feet. That would change a lot of things, but I do work that I could largely do from wheels. I went for a drive on last weekend to take my mind off of things, and there was a guy in a hand cranked three wheel recumbent rolling down the Mt Vernon trail, at the moment he is getting around better than I am. John reminded me that paralytics lead full lives. And they do, I barely beat one out for the job I have (she was friend of mine.) Well I could die during the process, but people wake up dead everyday. It is dying, not death that scares the crap out of me. A relatively fast death is my idea of the way to go, I don't want to hang around unless I am happy and having fun. Quality is more important than quantity. I would rather fewer full days then decades of vacant ones.
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gilda radner and I were sick with cancer at the same time. in her book, she wrote (paraphrase) "is it better to laugh or to cry during a crisis? I believe in laughter."ReplyDelete
she died the month before I had my operation. my then-spouse deserted me, as did my family. my work family was the only group to stand by me. I had been given gilda's book before surgery, and I chose to take her message to heart. IT WORKED!
stay positive, dear penguin. and hug sweet bear often.
Thanks, It may not be the party I was dreaming of, but while I am here I might as well dance.Delete
HELL YEAH! dance yo ass off! :)Delete
Sounds like you have surprised yourself just a little with your inner strength!ReplyDelete
Thanks John, there is still an anxiety level not too far below the surface (if I had a surprise in the hospital it was how little response there was to this when I mentioned it.) I have spent years trying to learn to focus on the strengths, today, and looking to the future. I recognize that the mind is very powerful, I can focus it on what I want to, it will help me go there.Delete
I think its a good thing that you're sharing things on hereDelete
An extra bit of support eh?
Give that tumor hell David!ReplyDelete
Thanks. I will do my best.Delete
I think it must be a great relief to finally know what is causing you problems - and it sounds like you will have the very best of care. You also have a rational and positive outlook, which helps immensely. I feel that the pluses greatly outweigh the minuses. Hang in there - you're in my thoughts and prayers.ReplyDelete
Thanks. I am glad I finally went for more helpDelete
I think your positive attitude will be of great utility during the recovery. Surgical techniques and pain management have come a long way these days, and other than a few severe pangs as my anesthesia wore off, my wrist surgery was almost 100% pain free, with the worst being a 2 or 3 for short periods. I did, of course, take pain killers for a few days, but cut back to Tylenol by day 4 so I could go back to work.ReplyDelete
Thanks, one of the criteria for coming home will be pain control. The guy in th next room was LOUD on Tuesday (returning from surgery) complaining on Wednesday and home Thursday morning. That is the typical trajectory.Delete
I think this is all 'good news' and soon it will be out and you and Penguin will be traveling soon.ReplyDelete
As for pain, tell'ed yes yes ten rating scale and I know you got valium.
Thanks for the advice. Nerves, why do I have nerves? A spine, after all of the years of being accused of not having one.Delete