Sunday, May 10, 2015
Why I am happy and making jokes at this time
I am not in pain going into this. While I was in the hospital they asked several times a day about pain, when you are in the spinal unit that is a normal question, and I kept having to explain, I have mobility, sensation and balance issues, but very little pain. Being that things are stable going into surgery, there is not existing pain to stack the post surgical pain on I should have it easier then I would otherwise. That is my theory and I will hide behind it to convince myself that I will have an easier then average recovery. It can be easier if I think it is easier.
The initial list of possibilities included MS and a cancer that had metastasized to the bones. Both have been ruled out. If it is a cancer, it is a rare bird that only lives on the spine and does not spread, and the tumor doc said he can deal with those pretty effectively the once a year or so he finds one. If it was MS, it would be an advanced stage with limited treatment options. It does not appear to be.
Another early possibility was a serious diabetic neuropothy. My blood sugar tested normal. When I asked about A1C results a couple of days in, the hospitalist said we didn't bother because you readings were normal, but just to be safe, three minutes later the vampire was back for more blood. It was very normal. I still need to lose 50 pounds to reduce the risk factors, but I am doing okay at this point. That makes healing from other things easier.
They scanned me literally from the top pf my head to my knees. And the only thing that kept showing up was the tumor on my spine. Not a good thing to find, but it could have been much more dire.
I have good health insurance, and good short term disability insurance. I am fortunate to not need to worry about go broke while trying to get well. I have Jay here to be my good helper. I need to remind myself to be kind to him, he just wants to keep me happy, and I tend to snap when he does not read my mind or move faster then my thoughts.
Nothing terminal was found. The worst case scenario, is that I could lose control of my legs and feet. That would change a lot of things, but I do work that I could largely do from wheels. I went for a drive on last weekend to take my mind off of things, and there was a guy in a hand cranked three wheel recumbent rolling down the Mt Vernon trail, at the moment he is getting around better than I am. John reminded me that paralytics lead full lives. And they do, I barely beat one out for the job I have (she was friend of mine.) Well I could die during the process, but people wake up dead everyday. It is dying, not death that scares the crap out of me. A relatively fast death is my idea of the way to go, I don't want to hang around unless I am happy and having fun. Quality is more important than quantity. I would rather fewer full days then decades of vacant ones.