I never really had a conversation with my parents about being gay. They figured it out, Jay and I moved in together, he came with me for holidays and visits, then the two of us moved 800 miles away and bought a house together. Once my parents tried to start a conversation, and I changed the subject. Self acceptance can be complicated with lots of deep seated fears. I told my father when we were getting married, but he and my mother were both in very poor health and I didn't expect them to try to travel. My parents closest comment, was that they always wanted me to be happy, underlined by them worrying that my being gay would make my life difficult. At times it has, but no nearly as difficult as denial - I have been down that road.
While at times in life you have to come out, I don't get the whole coming out thing that some seem compelled to do. I came out to a couple of people in my work life, but family just worked it out in time, with my mother knowing from when I was a young age as she told me a few years ago. Although in some ways you come out every day when you have a same sex partner. Many years ago a plumber referred to my partner as 'your colleague'. For an older Italian born man, that wasn't bad.
ReplyDeleteThere is often that moment of, how much do I tell.
DeleteA great video I'd never seen. Thanks for sharing it. I came out to my parents in 1981. I had only come out to myself a short time earlier, and was then always out professionally. Sometimes, there would be unpleasant situations at times as a result (even in the 2000s), but like you said, denial would have been a lot worse... and shame-filled. For me personally, coming out is important because if people simply "know," there is shame assumed in not being open. It must have felt so empowering for you to be able to tell your parents you and Jay were getting married.
ReplyDelete2015 was a momentous year in many ways.
DeleteAll of our stories, while sometimes sharing similarities, are unique in their own way, and we all have to decide if/when/how to disclose. Sometimes a statement is necessary, sometimes it’s not. I do believe visibility is essential and support coming or being out as much as is safe and possible. I have been 100% out for so long that it catches me off guard when, on occasion, someone says something that indicates they don’t know I’m gay. But it happens less and less and I find it rare for anyone to show any signs of being phased when I mention my husband. But that is also a privilege and experience many don’t have - the world is still not safe for everyone, everywhere. I do think an ounce of precaution is necessary in every new interaction. May just be that I’ve always held that caution and will never totally let it go.
ReplyDeleteLove the pic of the two of you. Happy Pride month!
Sassybear
Www.Idleeyesandadormy.Com
We've come a long way, and there is still a road ahead.
Delete🏳️🌈❤️😘❤️😘❤️😘❤️😘❤️😘❤️😘🏳️🌈
ReplyDeleteLOVE YOU endlessly
DeleteEveryone has to be their true self in order to be happy!
ReplyDeleteSo true,
DeleteI came out early and often. I think everyone should know so they can lose that stereotype of what "gay" is forever.
ReplyDeleteThe more we are seen the less ignorant people can act.
Very true
DeleteI'm glad your parents accepted you even if you never did have "the conversation."
ReplyDeleteMy father was a master of not saying what everyone knew, and avoiding conflict
DeleteI really loved this post. The picture of you and your husband is so great. Both of you look so happy. I had never seen the video of Tom Daly. Thanks for posting it. Happy Pride!
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome, I hope you are feeling stronger. Tom Daley has an active YouTube channel
DeleteI am feeling stronger. It is good to start feeling normal again.
ReplyDelete