Friday, May 15, 2020

Getting Myself Out of a Funk


Back in January, I put up a post about getting screwed in politics on a board I had served on.  The post upset some people, who were offended that I would express my feelings about being upset. Maybe I went to far in my words, I let my emotions get the better of my judgement. I took the post down for a while, then heavily edited and put it back up (I don't want a break in my now over five year streak of posting daily.) 

The emotional baggage with that situation kept flaring up, in March I resigned from the board, and the committee work I was doing.  My emotions were getting in the way of being effective.  The new board officers terms started recently, triggering a major funk for me.  I am very happy for the new officers, they are my friends, I know they will will do a wonderful job.  At the same time my brain was screaming, "why am I not there?"  I am not, because of a decision that I had no control over, a decision based on style and personality, not on what I had done.  It was a difficult few days. 

After a couple of days of the funk, I sat down and put in writing how I felt, a message to the new officers, a message to the person who headed the committee that made the decision that hurt me deeply.  I let that sit overnight, thought about it and hit the delete key. Some would say print it out and burn it, others would say bury it, for me intentionally hitting the delete key works just as well.  Leave it behind, for the past is the past, and we can not change it.  

A part of me really wanted those involved to understand how I feel.  For the person responsible (not you Jen) to express some regret or apology.  I had sent a sincere apology for the blog post that others found offensive to the committee responsible, and no one acknowledged that apology.  I wanted at least one of them to respond with "thank you, I can understand that you might have been upset" but nothing, total silence.  

Then I remembered, as I said in yesterday's post, happiness is an inside job.  Try as I might, I can't force another person to think about me, or my feelings, or to see things through my eyes.  I can't get another person to say what I want to hear. Regret, forgiveness, and apology are inside jobs. They are things we do in our own heads, for are own peace of mind, to get ourselves out of our own funks. Waiting for someone else to do these, only tortures me.  Releasing myself from the expectation that others might be human, might acknowledge my feelings, might admit that maybe, just maybe, their actions were hurtful, is unrealistic.   Their lack of action tells me volumes about them, but my reaction to that lack of action tells me volumes about me.  And I can change how I react, I can free myself from the self imposed funk. 

What should you hit the delete key on? 

20 comments:

  1. you did the right thing.you are no one's doormat.

    I hit the delete key on my first marriage, many shitty jobs, my abusive family members, people whom I thought were friends, organized religion. I'm better off without any of that bullshit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are fierce and in charge

      Delete
    2. spo doesn't call me warrior queen for no reason. I AM WARRIOR QUEEN HEAR ME ROAR!

      Delete
  2. You acted or reacted at the time as you saw fit, for better or worse. While you may regret what you wrote, I am sure it was carefully considered at the time. Just because you are in a work situation, it doesn't mean that you are not a person with feelings. Writing down what you feel can be very cathartic, even if deleted. I see you too have had a visit from Herpes Mary, which will sound odd to future readers of the post when you have deleted the spam.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, the spammer will get deleted, my first reaction was to post an obscene response to the spam.

      Delete
  3. " happiness is an inside job. Try as I might, I can't force another person to think about me, or my feelings, or to see things through my eyes. I can't get another person to say what I want to hear."
    THIS.
    You were human, that's obvious. We all find ourselves in these kind of situations sooner or later. Because some people are shitty and we react to that. It's difficult to sometimes not to jump at some situations. And I've hit the DELETE key on many things: men who did not deserve the attention, working above and beyond for people who did not appreciate it, acquaintances that were republicans... the works.

    XOXO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, learning to let go, has really helped me grow.

      Delete
  4. I've hit the delete key on a number of things over the years. The two most recent were: 1: A family member with him I at long last have no relationship (their doing not mine, but to my great relief). Another was to do with a friendship that had really only just begun, and a stunning cruelty was perpetrated (no misunderstanding, pure cruelty). I said my peace on both our behalfs, and I said good-bye. In both cases, there was so much more I wanted to say, but I knew it would never end and would serve no healthy purpose. No more detail than that or the deletions would be pointless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are alway other people, other opportunities, freeing myself opens time and energy to do other things.

      Delete
  5. You know what I think about all this, so I'll just say "I love you, Sweetie!", I think you handled this all quite nobly.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Several friends I've hit delete on. Buy as far as reposting. I wouldn't. You first draft of that post was what you really thought. I can be harsh too...but why censor what we sat or write. If people are offended then they don't have to read it is how i feel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish I had kept the original

      Delete
  7. I'm glad you resigned from that board. You were shabbily treated.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes, you are correct in not waiting for other people to do the right thing, as I age I have learned most people don't, the ones that do I become friends with.

    I have been hitting the delete button a lot lately regarding blog posts and comments on other blogs. The lockdown has made me very quick to anger lately and I don't want to say things I will regret later.

    ReplyDelete
  9. The delete button has the same effect as an action a psychologist friend
    suggested to rid one's self of dwelling/fixating on smoldering hurt or
    effrontery... say the words "cancel, cancel" to your mind... Evidently it transmits to your being and negative response does ebb and dissipate.
    Try it.... think of it...then "cancel, cancel" and let go... You did not
    deserve shoddy treatment nor indifference to your feelings... such souls
    don't warrant your losing time or sleep over them... seek out the genuine souls who care, really care. Build you own world...

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am glad to see you surrounded by Love and Support here.
    Impudent Boards are not worth one's time and effort. Good riddance.

    ReplyDelete