Thursday, October 22, 2020

I Have No Idea What Made Me Remember These Stories


I had a gym friend in Orlando who ran a small business with his brother. Bob was a memorable character,  he spent 36 hours as Marine in Viet Nam, stepped on a landmine, and lost part of one leg.  When you met him he would introduce himself and tell a joke.  What do you call a guy in a swimming pool with no arms and no legs, the answer is Bob, because he just sort of bobs up and down.  He would slip off his artificial leg and say, now you are never going to forget my name are you? 

Bob and his brother went to New York for a conference.  When they returned I asked Bob about New York, I had never been there.  He said, you know my younger brother, he comes into the gym in the morning when he is not cheating on his wife.  Yes, I had met him.  He proceeded, the two of them were walking down a street in New York (this would have been about 1990) and an enterprising self employed entrepreneur approached them and offered certain personal services for what the brother considered a good price.  The younger brother and said business person disappeared down an alley and reappeared a few minutes later with the brother having a smile on his face. The brothers went to a bar, ordered a beer, and when they went to pay, the brother discovered his wallet was missing.  Bob described his brother calling his wife to cancel the ATM card, and American Express card, explaining that he must have encountered a pick-pocket, with Bob falling of the bar stool shouting "more like a prick pocket."  

I can remember the last time I was offered the services of an enterprising self-employed entrepreneur. I was in New Orleans for a conference and out for an early morning walk in the French Quarter.  A V-12 Jaguar slowed to walking pace, pulled over near the sidewalk and rolled down the window. The business person said, "hi sugar, are looking for anything in particular or just a good time, I'm available this morning!"  I simply said, "thank you, but not today, I am just out for a walk, stay safe." The reply was, "you too sugar" and the window rolled up and the car wooshed away. In a moment I thought, a New Orleans prostitute is driving a nicer car than I will ever own, where did I go wrong?  

I hope they are all staying safe, 




25 comments:

  1. WAIT A DAMN MINUTE. A self-employed prostitute drove a V-12 Jag?!?!?! I need to re-exam.

    Many friends of mine have said, honey start charging!!!! You have been giving sex away free for years....when you'd could have been a millionaire by now. I still don't know how to take that comment yet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A friend once remarked, "with what they expect when I am giving it away, I'd hate to think what they would expect if I was charging."

      Delete
  2. Well, you are too old now and have missed your chance of driving a V-12 Jaguar. It's a great story about Bob.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am making a living in my bedroom for the first time in my life,

      Delete
    2. and you are doing it by yourself!

      Delete
    3. I've heard about those sites but I thought generally people were under 35.

      Delete
  3. I always thought I had gone into the wrong line of work.

    ReplyDelete
  4. the world's oldest profession...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Possibly the world's first advertising, and in many places in the world protected by law and the police.

      Delete
  5. Some funny stories. My neighbor drives a Jaguar and I have no idea what he does for a living.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My oldest brother had one for several years.

      Delete
  6. Prick pocket! That'll keep me smiling all day!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hahahaha, great stories! I only ever knew one person who drove a Jag -- a rich lawyer who himself came from money.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The last one I liked, was built in the 1960's

      Delete
  8. Hmm, Balder Half likes Jags. I don't. Nothing left to say.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You'd look wonderful in one, or a Rolls

      Delete
    2. Nah. I've got beer taste with a Kool-Aid budget. You are a real sweetie, though.

      Delete
  9. I suppose it is not too late to try sex-work perhaps in your retirement as a part time endeavor.

    ReplyDelete
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