I woke up with this tune playing in my head. Something about knowing when to fold them and walk away is very appropriate.
A colleague from work died Saturday evening. Lori had been with the group for 30 years, she was less than a year older than I am. She was extraordinarily bright, amazing attention to detail, was a perfectionist in her work, was committed and dedicated to her work. She made a difference in this world, and will be missed.
Over the last few months we had noticed changes. She lost weight, she looked tired and drawn. She was working from home more and more. A couple of people tried to talk with her about how she was feeling. Most of the time she changed the subject, or simply didn't answer. Once, just once, she said to her two closest project collaborators, that she was sick.
It is unclear what she knew or didn't know about her health. It is clear that she made a decision to not seek help. That was her choice and I respect that.
She had a fall at home early last week, and was admitted to the hospital. The diagnosis was grim, very late stage cancer. By the time she was taken to the hospital she was unable to communicate. She as transferred to hospice and died within 24 hours.
I am sad, and at the same time, I know she died as she chose. She was independent, strong, stubborn. I think she knew when it was time to fold them and walk away.
Time to fold them and walk away, is by far the best way to go.
ReplyDeleteWe see too many people tortured by medical care that at best delays death by a few days or weeks. She knew what she wanted.
DeleteI admire her for choosing her own way, but a sad way to go. Thinking of her friends and family.
ReplyDeleteShe lived alone, there are some terrifying twists to this.
DeleteI am sorry to hear this, david. I admire her free will choice of passing over. may she be remembered fondly forever.
ReplyDeleteShe will be, thank you.
DeleteI'm very happy that you wrote this, and wrote it the way you did. xxoo
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteShe sounds like a very strong person, in her own way. My condolences and may she rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteStrong and passionate about her work. I really feel for her father, he is in his late 80's and has not lost both of his daughters.
DeleteSad and somehow empowering at the same time.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I suspect she didn't want to linger, and didn't want others to feel bad for her. Like all of us, she as a complicated person.
DeleteOur friend the late Dame M did the same, although she was 82. She just stayed at home with her long time boarder to care for her until eventually she went to hospital and died the next day. We respected her decision in retrospect but we wish she had told us at the time.
ReplyDeleteThere is a terrifying twist in Lori's experience, she lived along, she was alone when she collapsed and no one knew how sick she was. If not for missing a video staff meeting, she might still be on the floor at home.
DeleteYeah, that is a bit different. People dying at home and not being found for some time would be awful.
DeleteThis is a sad tale indeed
ReplyDeleteThere is a sort of dignity of someone thumbing to the world I'm through and going now no thank you for your help or going with me.
All the same it feels wrong to me; it doesn't have to be this way. It could have been different. what a loss; what a tragedy.
Leaves a lot of people wondering why, and what could or should we have done.
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