Monday Mood: Why Are We Here?

What is the purpose of our being here? What is the value of our existence? Deep questions. At various times in my life I have had different answers.  

The first half of my adult working life, it was all about me. I had a series of jobs, that were really a competition, we were all out to prove that we were the best, that we could sell more, build more, build it faster, make more money than the other person. I was obsessed, the goal was to be something that we weren't. My purpose was to make money, for others, hoping that it would trickle down to me.  My value, and a great extent my self worth, was based on the stream of income I produced. I was really not happy, and spent a few years looking for a way out. 

Then I was very-very fortunate, to be able to take three years off from the real world, in my late 30's, and go back to school, to law school to earn a doctorate in my field.  I went expecting that I would come out and go back into the same rat race, but at a different level of rats. Then the summer between first and second year of law school, I decided to complete a mandatory-volunteer-service requirement (is it really voluntary if it is required?) I needed 30 hours of volunteer time, I ended up with about 120 over about 8 weeks, time spent helping improve the lives of others. I learned about purpose and meaning that summer.  A purpose of helping others to live a better life. 

That led to a career in public interest law, that filled, often to overflowing because I can be obsessive and over committed for 25 years. Work that had great purpose, and filled my life with meaning. I am very glad I did it.  I made a real difference in the lives of others, and doing so made it difference in my life. 

Two years ago this week, I retired. It has taken some time and some work to adjust, and I still look in the mirror sometimes and wonder how I can be old enough to not be working everyday. But I am. And the longer I am the more fulfilled I am with being so. What is my purpose in retirement, to be good to myself, to accept and love myself, to be kind to others, to encourage others to find peace and happiness, to create and share. To think and understand the wisdom that develops from the struggles over 50 years of labor. I am here, to be comfortable and happy. And that is enough. 

I don't regret 25 years helping others, I did my share. That was my purpose for a quarter of a century, it is no longer. I am glad I did it, and glad I have moved on to finding the happiness I thought that first 20 years of work would bring me, and didn't.