Monday, November 14, 2016
Nothing to fear, but fear itself
This started out as a comment on a post from Spo, the more I wrote the more I came to realize that I was exploring a profound insight into my being, that this could make an interesting post.
There is a lot of fear and anger going around, what with last weeks election. Being inside the bubble of Washington DC, people are stunned by the outcome - they didn't see it coming and they are letting their fears and anger overcome them. Change is never easy and when Trump says he is going to "drain the swamp" that is DC, a lot of people started looking for lower ground.
My greatest enemy is myself. I can do real harm by allowing my fears and anger to rule my rational mind. The fears and anger are easily fed by outside sources. Fears also keep me safe from real danger. My rational mind has to sort the real danger from the unreal. My anger can keep me from being productive or liked. Decades ago my father said, if you want to succeed in life you must learn to control your temper, and I do. But, if I over control my temper, my anger, I am disrespected and walked all over - treated as a doormat. So I must balance the rational control with standing up for what myself.
I can control what I allow in. I deleted a book off my Kindle this week, the Feminist Fight Club, only part way through because the angry tone was feeding my anger. I then started reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, a classic gonzo story of a psycho trip to Las Vegas fueled by drugs and alcohol - some days I need to rethink my choice of reading materials. Between exhaustion and the stress of the day, I can see the edges of my grip on reality. There is a fine line between genius and crazy-ass-bitch - a couple of times this past week I have been too close to crossing that line.
I have been very angry this past week. A leader let his inner dictator come out (no I am not talking about a government official) disregarded the process he had helped create, disrespecting the work that many people had done and DEMANDED, that it be done over because HE DIDN'T LIKE THE OUTCOME. I, and apparently I alone, demonstrated that I have a spine and objected. And no one joined me in objecting. The committee was intimidated into doing over work that had already been completed. They allowed themselves to be walked all over by a bully. They should all go have a X-Ray done to assure that they have a spine, I know I do, I have the X-Rays and MRI's to prove it. Mine is even reinforced with titanium.