Moody Monday: What Do Retirement and Funerals have in Common

People say the kindest things about you. 

The night before I interviewed for the job at the ABA I had dinner with Marcie who was a mutual friend of Holly, the person who was leaving the ABA, creating the opening that I was interviewing for. She said, Holly had commented that her office was at the end of the hall, and she was left alone to do her work.  Marcie said, “if Holly died in her office no one would notice until she started to decompose.”  My thought was this sounds like the ideal place for me, I didn’t want to micromanaged (I have had a few of those jobs over the years.) When I first started, I thought I would work until they found me decomposing at my desk.  My work was my life. Over time things changed. 

Two things made me decide that retirement needed to happen. 

Back in 2015 I had tumor removed and a section of my spine rebuilt with titanium.  I came within millimeters of never walking again.  There is no long-term guarantee on the repair work, I want to make the most of life while I can.  Then in April of 2020 a colleague Lori died unexpectedly.  I had worked with Lori for a dozen years.  Being in the middle of COVID we organized a Zoom memorial service. I know she would have been deeply moved by what people thought of her and her work. I fear that she never knew how fond people were of her. But she was not there to hear it, and to let people know how much she appreciated what was being said.  

My colleagues organized a surprise retirement party for me, a large group of people in person and online.  They went around the room with people saying kind things about me, and about my work.  I was overwhelmed by the things people had to say.  The last department directors meeting was another round of people saying wonderful things, then a Montage video compilation arrived of videos of people saying wonderful things.  I never knew how deeply people felt about me. 

Over the years I have tried to do good work, to leverage my strengths, and to not step on toes that are at the end of the legs that go up the behind that I might need kiss tomorrow - to be nice to people.  Apparently doing my best work and trying to be nice to others worked.  And I was alive to hear that people appreciated what I did.  It was kind of like the round to eulogies at a funeral, but I was there to hear all of the kind words. 

Let people know you are retiring, don’t just slip quietly out the back door, retire loudly, and listen to the kind words people have to say.  Better now, than at your funeral.  I think everyone enjoyed the retirement comments more than they will my funeral, I know I enjoyed it more than I will my funeral.