You are Just Fine, Just The Way You Are

I spent an hour drinking with friends on the terrace of the Presidential Suite at the Capital Hilton recently.  I was the only one in the circle who is not a parent, they were talking about the worries of parenthood.  

One has a son, who is tall, and thin.  He is extremely bright, very friendly.  His parent worries about his insecurities.  Maybe reflecting the parent's own insecurities.  

Another has a younger son, like 12 years old, he is very active and a little chubby.  His parent worries about his body image issues. Again maybe reflecting the parents concern about staying active and healthy (the parent succeeds at doing very well.) He is a hormonal youngster, subject to outbursts and mood changes.  His parent worries about his moods, and his insecurities.  

I reflect back on my insecurities at that age.  Based on comments from adults, I thought I was fat, I look back at the photos from the time, and realize that I was not fat. My mother's obsession, became my internalized body image.  I was insecure about my feelings for other people.  

At the same conference another friend of mine, who was not on the terrace drinking prosecco with us, told me that his soon to be 18 year old daughter, just came out as a lesbian.  He said he hugged, her and assured her he loved her (he said, he has been expecting this for some time.) My advice to him, was to be supportive and accepting.  Her greatest fears are likely loss or rejection.  Make sure she does not miss anything, that there are no losses for her.  I told him, I came to terms with myself later in life, that I spent a couple of decades hating myself, and it is hard to be nice to others, when you hate yourself. 

My message to all of these parents is the same.  Make sure your children know that they are just fine, just the way they are.  No one should ever expect you to be perfect.  Make the most of what you have to work with, and love yourself, so that you can love others.