Tuesday, November 12, 2019
Carnivore, Omnivore, Vegetarian
Warning, I am going to say rude things about Vegans, if you are going to be offended by that, come back tomorrow, I promise to be better.
A couple of weeks ago I hosted my annual national conference, if I get more specific than that, my employer will claim ownership of all of the content on this blog, and demand the $39 a year in advertising revenue that this blog produces (seriously, it took me almost three years to accumulate $100 in advertising revenue, the minimum threshold for Google to pay out, but still, $100 is $100, and I don't actively or passively shill for any of the advertisers (I might if asked to.)
The conference includes a couple of buffet lunches. I select the menus from what is offered by the venue. I try to be careful to make sure there are kosher and vegetarian options. This is not that hard to do, except when the Chef decides to put bacon in the coleslaw (it was good!) Next time I will ask that they put the bacon on the side. Two of my three kosher colleagues ate it anyway and commented that it was "really good."
Carnivores eat meat, vegetarians eat anything but meat, omnivores eat anything that does not eat them first. By our nature, human beings are omnivores, if our digestive systems are healthy, we can eat almost anything.
Then along comes the Vegan.
At the conference I am the fix it man, the person you go to when you have a problem, and I try to find a solution. The buffet line was moving along smoothly at lunch the second day, and an angry young woman comes up to me and demands, "where is the vegan food!" I politely direct her to the catering staff, who will take steps necessary to meet her "dietary needs." I also point out, that if she had emailed us ahead of time, as we asked in the registration materials, we would have had a special meal ready and waiting for her. The only person who did email us ahead of time, never claimed her special meals, but grazed off of the buffet (kosher - vegetarian - no dark green leafy vegetables.) After lunch comes the conversation with the banquet captain (BC.)
BC, "Vegans, they are always so bitter and angry."
Me, "I think it is hunger, bacon would solve that."
BC, "Hard to cook,"
Me, "I find it hard to find fresh vegans and I am never sure if we should stew them, or grind them and make burgers."
BC, nearly falling over laughing, "sometimes I just want to say, PACK A LUNCH!"
Me, "Or go graze in the park."
Yes sometimes I talk about people behind their back, don't you?